The Beginning I

That’s me, Tighe (Ty), in May of 2003. 548 lbs. Cholesterol 507. Blood pressure 170/105. Blood Glucose level 400+. Triglycerides 3,000+. And, not known to me yet, Type II Diabetes. Why am I still alive? That’s a good question. I got lucky. Here’s the first part of my story:

I didn’t even know there was anything wrong with me. Well, that is except of course for my weight, but even my morbid weight was still not a comprehensible thing for me. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was overweight and needed to get to the gym and stop putting Twinkies and burgers into my mouth. Even then I did not, at all, understand what was happening to me or the very real probability that I would soon die if things didn’t change. Wondering how I got lucky? That’s easy. My Godfather, Joe, was visiting my parents and I happened to be over also. As he was leaving, he pulled me aside and with the most frightened look on his face that I had ever seen he simply said, “I’m very worried about you.” I told him that I understood and began to say goodbye to him. He firmly grabbed my arm above my elbow and looked right into me and said, “I worry that you are going to die.” It stopped me for a second, but I told him that I had already starting going to the gym and was watching what I ate. This, obviously, was a lie. He knew it, but I didn’t care because I had believed the lie for years and years before I told it.

Sometime later I was out with a bunch of friends at a bar down in the Gaslamp in San Diego and this picture was taken of me. Now, this was in the day largely before digital cameras and I did not see it for a few weeks. When I did, I felt I was looking at some distorted reality. THAT’S NOT ME!!! NO!! NO, IT’S NOT!!! And I put the photo away. Uh huh, that’s right. I ignored it...I ignored me. A pretty amazing thing to ignore oneself, but I managed to do it. The next time I actually didn’t ignore myself I was taking a shower. I was washing my hair and I had to stop because I was winded. My shoulders and biceps were burning! That was it. I thought about what Joe had said and everything else. Avoiding stairs because I knew what would happen. Wearing what amounted to tents for shirts and jeans. Back problems. Snoring and sleep apnea (when you stop breathing while sleeping). No girlfriend. Not going out. Looking in the mirror and not seeing me.

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